Boys Are Nuts
by Me
Summary: Soon after "A PInch for a Pinch," Michelle notices Jesse playfully hitting Joey after a joke (mentioned int he 1st Rusty ep.); how do the Tanners explain the inconsistency from Jesse saying not to hit?


In response to a short story challenge on a group - write the shortest story (not script) you can. I had time for a little, and this is a little, but something that likely happens, and explains how they might have explained an little inconsistency. (Let's see people go after this kind of thing in their stories.)

BOYS ARE NUTS

Joey Gladstone, professional comedian, sat at the Sizzler, enjoying lunch with the family he lived with and loved. He was helping his best friend, Danny Tanner, raise his three daughters, D.J., 14, Stephanie, 9, and Michelle, almost 4.

He was also enjoying the look he expected to come any second from Danny's brother-in-law, Jesse, who also lived in the Tanner household.

"Ow," he said as Jesse playfully hit him in the head. He gave a slight glare at Jesse, but only to avoid laughing.

"Look at this, I tried to shake salt on my potatoes, and he loosened the top, now look how much came out," Jesse complained to the table.

"Boy, Jess, if you eat all that salt you'll be a real pillar in the community," Joey joked, thinking of the story of Lot's wife that Stephanie had repeated from her Sunday School class earlier that day.

"A pillar in…give me a break," Jesse complained as Joey explained what that was.

As Jesse complained about Joey's practical jokes, Michelle considered what Jesse had done. Not only didn't it look very nice, but Michelle had gotten timeout for pinching a classmate in preschool recently. Jesse had told her hitting or pinching was wrong, and that he'd been a "jerk" for saying it was okay to pinch back, or fight like he had when younger.

"Are you being a jerk, Uncle Jesse?" she asked innocently.

"What, who, me? Of course not, why…" He suddenly saw her looking at Joey. "Why, Joey and I are best buddies, right, pal?" He looked at Joey, then looked desperately at Danny for help. Danny passed him a look that said, "This is your mess, you get out of it."

Joey smiled. "That's right, pal. And best pals can do things like this to each other," Joey said, taking some of the salt that was left and shaking it into Jesse's normally perfect hair.

Seeing that Joey was starting to enjoy tormenting Jesse a bit too much, and that Jesse might get him back - he'd remember it very fondly when the two would battle over Joey's flounder tart invention years later - Danny held up his hands. "Look, I think it's time we call a truce and concentrate on the girls. Let's have them all tell a little something fun they learned this morning."

Though she was distracted for a while, Michelle kept thinking about what Jesse had done. She didn't like thinking of him as bad. He was so sweet and loving. So, she figured maybe it was okay. She just didn't like the thought of someone getting hurt, now that she knew it was bad.

Later that afternoon, she was playing with a few of her dolls. As Danny smiled upon walking into her bedroom, he noticed she had one smack the other on the head. "Ow," came the voice of the hit doll. "Come on, now hit back, let's play." "Ow."

"Honey…what are you doing?" Danny took the dolls from her. "We should play nice with our toys."

"I am. They're best friends like Uncle Jesse and Joey.'

"I see. You know, your Uncle Jesse doesn't always have great judgment."

"I don't know what that is. But I know it's not hair. He says he always has great hair."

"Well, that's true. But, well,…boys are made different than girls."

"I know. We sit down to go potty."

Danny blushed; he didn't like to think of his girls growing up, and certainly didn't like them focusing on things like that. "What I mean is, look, there's your Uncle Jesse coming up to his room now, let's go talk to him." He and Michelle walked into Jesse's room.

Jesse had quickly grabbed some song sheets and left. "Hey, guys, the Rippers and I are gonna be practicing for a little while, if you need me I'll be over at the Smash Club," he said as he walked downstairs, with them following.

"Jess, we need to talk first. Michelle was playing and her dolls were hitting each other."

"Yeah, so?"

"Jess, I don't want my little girl thinking it's okay to hit; now, we talked about this before."

Michelle could tell her dad was upset. "Is he being a jerk or isn't he?"

Jesse sat and cuddled Michelle on his lap. "Look, pal, it ain't cool to be doin' it to everyone. It's just…Well, I just like goofin' around like on the playground. But he doesn't mind it, so it's cool. If he did mind I wouldn't do it."

"Oh, that's a great lesson, Jess," Danny said sarcastically. "Some poor kid comes along and is too shy to speak up, she could just do whatever she wanted when playing with her."

Joey overheard as he was walking in from the kitchen. "Look, Michelle," he tried to explain. "Remember when you were watching the Three Stooges with Jesse? It's an act we do. We're just playing around. He's not really hitting me, and it doesn't really hurt."

Jesse looked at Joey. "It doesn't?" Realizing he needed to agree, Jesse suddenly added, "Yeah, he's right, Michelle, it doesn't. So, you shouldn't have your dolls doin' that either, because…" He looked at Joey again as Danny shook his head.

"Because…they're not in the Screen Actors' Guild," Joey finished.

Michelle didn't know what Joey was talking about. She simply shook her head and said, "You guys are nuts."

"Well, we're not nuts, Munchkin, it's just...well, okay, maybe we are a little nuts. But, trust me, when you get to be about 10 or so, you'll start to like boys."

Michelle smiled. "Good. Now I can enjoy myself."

D.J. and Stephanie had been looking through old photo albums by the fireplace, reminiscing about Pam. She decided now was a good time to intervene. "Let me try to add to what they said," D.J. said as she went over to the couch and sat beside Jesse. "Michelle, boys sometimes get a little too rough. But, that doesn't make it right. If I were in charge, the Three Stooges would be getting sent to their rooms a lot."

"Even if they're in the scream actors quilt?"

Everyone snickered at how Michelle misheard "screen actors' guild" and replaced the words she didn't know with ones she did. "Right. But, since I'm not in charge I can't send them to their room, and neither can Dad. So, they need to learn on their own."

Michelle tapped her chin. "Okay. But, why does that quilt make them do dumb things?"

"Well, munchkin," Jesse said with a sigh, "I guess it's because of what I said earlier. I'm not a jerk anymore. But, I guess I'm still a little rougher than what I should be. But, Joey doesn't…" He stopped himself, realizing he'd never asked Joey. He decided this would be a good time to do it, so Michelle learned. "Do you mind, Joey?"

"No. You don't do it a lot. And, to tell you the truth, I would have loved a brother to roughhouse and do crazy things with growing up. Maybe your Uncle Jesse and I are kinda like the Two Stooges, Michelle."

"Okay. But when I grow up, I'm not marrying a Stooge. And I'm staying away from that actor's quilt."


End file.
